Friday, April 29, 2005

Have you ever tried to do something the right way, have the most maturity and integrity possible and then, for whatever reason, the whole thing back fires on you? I had one of those weeks. Being a guy who wants everyone to like me and think I'm nice, has worked well up till this point. When things happen, beyond my control, to make people not like or distrust me, it gets the best of my emotions. These are the days of my life here in "Nash Angelos". In all this, I am once again going through the Holy Spirit School of Following Jesus. When, in your heart, you're being honest to yourself, listen and be confident in that. Jesus must have constantly had his motives challenged and his intent called into question. His whole life and public ministry was a huge target for critiscism and ridicule. He was the only sinless person to ever live, getting it right every time, and still there were those who thought his motives were not pure. I am being refined and sharpened through this time in my own ministry. I worry too much about what people think of me. I look for their approval even at the cost of my own sense of doing what is right. I'm learning that I must rush toward the Master and try my best to fall on his example. I cannot win in both worlds. There will come days when my Spirit life trumps my earthly life and I have to let God worry about the out come. Doing right in the sight of the Lord has to be enough, even when it does not jive with the world. Paul even says to Timothy that those who desire to live a Godly life will be persecuted. I don't think this is any where near persecution on a legitimate scale, but it does make me realise that doing what is right does not always get a happy out come. If people mis-interpret things or don't agree with an out come, I cannot make this my problem. My job is not to police what other people's feelings, but to trust and obey the Holy Spirit. The words and opinions of men do not validate or affirm my character. The Holy Spirit does. He is my measure of validation and correctness. So there is a little bit of what I'm hearing from the Lord today. Maybe not the most thrilling of Journal entries, but I know I feel a lot better. Thank you Jesus.