Monday, October 09, 2006

The Escape of Melody

“Hmmm”. (strums guitar) “Hummm”. (Strums guitar again) My brow furrows, audience members tense, butts shift in seats...waiting, aching for the tension to release. Longing for me to do something, anything but stand there drooling. Such was the scene at this great church in Fairfield, TX this weekend. (FBC wuz up!)

I was leading worship music for this Refreshment weekend for a church. A three night kind of thing, something like I do several weekends a month. I am pretty used to this kind of gig and usually do a pretty good job where they are concerned. Saturday night was pretty unique in it’s events however. I was confronted once again with my great ability to be self-centered and forget about Jesus’ great glory.

This night had been preceded by a chorus of people complimenting me on one of my songs that I had sung the night before. Many well meaning and nice people told me how blessed they were by the song. I like that. It makes me feel good when that happens. Too many times in the most subtle and internal way, I let those compliments get the best of my heart. I turn them into fuel for my ego instead of a boast in Jesus.

So I get up to sing again the second night of the event and I launch into my set in which I had planned to revisit my “hit song”. I thought the crowd would really like it and sing along even louder than before. “Me, Me, Me, I, I, I, I”. After a few minutes of music it came time in the set for me to play the song. So I hit the intro chord, open my mouth, and I can’t remember the melody. I mean I can’t even sniff it. It has left my memory bank with not one trace of existence. I usually remember melodies the very first time I hear/ write them and I always have really good recall of songs...until now. Not knowing what to do, I tried to sing the melody of the last song I just did with the lyric of the song I could not remember. Not good. It went from bad to William Hung. Finally, Chris Brush, my perc guy just whispered to move on to the next song.

Just like so many times before, God used the Holy Spirit and his Word to call to my attention to what was going on. I was turning a song about God into a stage for my own glory. I taking a gift and acting as if I was it’s creator. Psalm 84 came into view...”Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place...He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol or sworn by what is false.”

I just had to stop right there and admit what was going on. I had to soak in the humiliation. It was certainly good for me. Highly embarrassing and uncomfortable for all involved, but Jesus used it in my life as seeds for a lesson. Highlight him in everything you do. Make much of him and stop wasting moments on yourself. If you satisfy your self, do it on something that is truly enjoyable. Something eternal. Something fresh. Don’t make worship music and leadership a launch pad for your ego. It will be terrible. Every time.


Anonymous said...

C2... That pic was not from our church... Thanks for a great weekend... Thanks for your transparency... Thanks for allowing us to see God work on you right before our eyes... Hope to worship with you again...

For His Kingdom,

Erin Maynor said...

Wow! I love you're honesty! Isn't it amazing to see how God continually humbles us! Thanks for being REAL!!